Yes. Yes I have.

One quick reboot later and I see that, why yes, there is my page on Metafilter. Welcome, Metafilter, to my website! Sorry there isn't more to see here!

I'm actually bummed that Mefi isn't being more snarky. I mean, there's one guy making fun of my girlfriend and also questioning my very ability to take a picture. But c'mon, I know there's more than one snarky guy on Metafilter. I DEMAND MORE SNARK FROM YOU, "BLOGOSPHERE!"

Have I been... "meta...filtered?"

Rumor has it that I have been "metafiltered." Fortunately, being quite familiar with the filter of meta, this is flattering to me, rather than ambiguously threatening.

I cannot confirm or deny these rumors, however, because when I go to Metafilter, I get a big fat Cannot Be Displayed. Surely, this is because the rush to comment on my exclusive video clip of a windshield wiper has brought the Mefi server to its knees. If that is true, which it most certainly is not, then: I'm sowwy*, Matt Haughey! Or perhaps my own computer is, of its own volition, blocking Metafilter for only me, to ensure that I do not pollute it further, and to better the general state of the "blogosphere."

*(I spelled it this way because then, in my head, it rhymed a bit.)

E3TRAVAGANZA

I accomplished TWO THINGS this weekend!

1) I reached Rank 100, "Noble Psychic Master," in Psychonauts! And, less importantly:
2) I finally finished and uploaded the 10+ page epic about my trip to E3!

You should read it! Because it's really entertaining!

Also, it took me a long time to make.

Okay, so

I go out to my car and guess what's under the windshield wiper? A business card for the damage appraisal guy. Huh. So, does this mean he came and went and got his photos? Does it mean he needs me to schedule another appointment? Does this mean he didn't want to bother me by calling or ringing the doorbell, so he's just saying "hello" and I should check out his "myspace"? WHO KNOWS?? There is an alternate universe wherein *I* know, but in that universe I have also been contacted by my insurance company and given some information. Oh, to live in that universe.

I called the number on the card but it was busy. Amusingly, there is what appears to be an e-mail address on the card as well, but there is nothing after the @ symbol. I guess he is just "at."

Politics!

God Bless America.

Warning: links are not as good as Crab Battle

CRAB BATTLE

This is, quite possibly, the best thing I've ever seen.

Warning: not actually the best thing I've ever seen, graphic violence, Flash

RUN, IT'S CRABBALOR

Okay: I rarely get angry. Very, very rarely.

I am close to being super ultra mambo tango pissed off.

This is the THIRD day in a row that I have been instructed to be home to facilitate an appraisal of the damage to my car. The first day, I was told to expect a call to set up an appointment. No call. Second day, after continuing to not get a call, I inquired. Somebody tracked him down and he set an appointment for today, at 10 AM.

It's now 4:30 PM. No guy. No call.

I am now officially more mad at these guys than I am at George Lucas for wasting my time.

If I don't hear from him tomorrow, I am going affix (with duct tape) to my car's broken pop-up 1) a flashlight and 2) a little flag that says "LEGAL."

Vodka horn

I don't all the way agree with this, but it's funny:

"But in the immortal words of Erik, one-half of Old Man Murray and co-writer of Psychonauts, attending E3 is like having a flashing light and klaxon horn bolted to the inside of your skull, only the horn also squirts vodka down your throat."

People complain so much about E3. I think I'm the only one who remembers being 12, reading CES/TGS/E3 writeups and wishing more than anything I could be there, trying out those games.

And why do so many people think that alcohol magically leaps down your throat? Can't a person attend and enjoy a "party" and choose not to drink, because perhaps flashing lights and klaxon horns are even worse when you're hung over?

Thanks for playing!

EDITED 5/28: This one too. Yeah.

It's time to play SCREWED!

EDITED 5/28: Many people have questioned the wisdom of my having blogged this particular thing. Just click on the title; a picture's worth several words.

I'm back...

...and MAN, did I ever take more digital photographs than I meant to. Looks like the Official Videocrab E3 Writeup will take a bit longer than expected. So, for now, here's the fun-sized two-word version!

Nintendo Revolution: Tantalizingly absent.
Xbox 360: Suitably impressive.
PS3: Prerendered hype.
Game Boy Micro: Compellingly unnecessary.
Nintendo DS: Dangerously wacky.
Zelda: It's Zelda.
Chibi Robo: Adorable surprise.
We Love Katamari: Giddy love.
Burnout Revenge: Joyous testosterogasm.
Burnout Legends: Surprisingly playable.
Sega Presentation: Jaw-droppingly sweet.
Shadow The Hedgehog: Embarrasingly earnest.
Sonic Gems: About time.
Half-Life 2 Xbox: Miraculous port.
Psychonauts PS2: Ugly necessity.
Metal Gear Solid 4 Teaser: Hilarious genius.
Booth Babes: Refreshingly underutilized.
Los Angeles: Hellish hell.
E3: Totally crazy.
Right Now: it's bedtime.

Here I go!

FINALLY beat Psychonauts.

E3 OR BUST

See you next week!

Oh and

I STILL haven't beaten Psychonauts, despite being an estimated ten minutes of progressive gameplay away from the end. That last level is a total bastard. I even bought the Official Strategy Guide after frustrated Google searches were no help; the Official Strategy Guide basically just said "keep trying!" I am having trouble with this one trapeeze, which I can swing on like a trapeeze, but can also spin around like it were a stationary bar, which means my character refuses to leap off it but can only fall awkwardly, refusing to float or double-jump or otherwise do anything to reach the next trampoline platform.

And I hear that when I get to THAT platform, I then have a "takes 50 tries" rails-on-fire nightmare to overcome before the actual final boss. I guess this way, if I somehow bump into Tim Schafer at E3, I can say "I loved every second of Psychonauts, and I am very emotionally invested in it, which is a shame, because from the looks of things, I WILL NEVER GET OUT OF YOUR BASTARDLY FINAL STAGE *sob*."

Everything

Everything is happening right at this exact moment. I don't know why my world decided that the middle of May would be the best time to go totally crazy, but it did, and it is. (I consider myself to be quite good at coping with stress, but judging by my own current heart rate, this is more stress than I am prepared to deal with.)

I probably won't have internet access while at E3 and I'll likely need that whole weekend afterwards to recuperate, but then it's

HOLY CRAP THAT IS AN ENORMOUS SPIDER

Okay, as if I weren't seriously freaked out and jittery enough already, that scary-ass spider decided that, instead of being neatly sucked up into my electric bug-sucking tube, it would instead fall clumsily and startlingly off the wall and ricochet audibly behind the television. I DO NOT FEEL ANY CALMER, THANKS A LOT SPIDER. Anyway, who knows when my mind, body and blog will all be one again? Not me, that's for sure. Shoulda waited until June to start up this site, but hey! I'm learning!

Psychonauts: STILL INCREDIBLE

Look, I'm not going to pretend like I have any interest in doing anything that isn't "finishing Psychonauts." I'm sorry, but that's just the way things are. I didn't start this website so that I could ignore it in favor of video games, but Psychonauts is ONE HELL OF A GAME. Actually, it's one hell of an anything. Seriously, if you have an Xbox and don't buy Psychonauts, I don't think we can be friends. I know $50 is a lot of money for a game that "looks weird" that "some guy said" was "just another platform game or something," but honestly. PSYCHONAUTS.

The only reason the tone of this update is so vaguely pissy is because I can't help but notice that it is keeping me from playing Psychonauts.

PSYCHONAUTS. Seriously. (I'm near the last stage, so don't worry too much. Of course, there are all those memories to collect... emotional baggage to claim... figments to find... undusted mental cobwebs...)

Douglas Adams' atheism

I'm back from a short trip to LA for my sister's graduation ceremony. I'm still recovering from the killer smog and I can do nothing but sit here in headachey pain. Nothing, that is, except link to this interesting interview wherein author Douglas Adams explains his atheist beliefs. (Just ignore the rest of the site and everything not written by Mr. Adams.)

Note that this is not in any way a reaction to attending a graduation ceremony at a Christian college; I've been meaning to post that link for a while and just recently found it again, so that correlation is only a coincidence. OR IS IT??

PSYCHONAUTS IS INCREDIBLE.

playing all night yes game very good painfully creative great dialog astonishing wow wow sleep time now.

Clarification

Since there seems to be some confusion about this (I know it had no comments, but trust me on this), I want to clarify: I DID NOT ADD THAT CREEPY GHOST HAND TO THE PICTURE. It was like that when I loaded it off the camera! My best guess is that it is a very... very... very strange lens flare. MYSTERY!

Dr. Mario SHOCKER!

What luck! I've only had this digital camera one day, and I've already captured incontrovertible EVIDENCE OF THE PARANORMAL!

We Love Katamari Damacy

File under Oh Hell Yeah: a preview of Katamari Damacy 2: We Love / Everybody Loves Katamari Damacy. (Warning: tiny autostreaming video with audio, BUT the audio seems to be a snippet from the KD2 soundtrack, so it's quite welcome to play on MY computer.) The article brings happy indication that KD2 will be at E3, so I think now is a good time to announce that: so will I!

I haven't, technically, received my badge yet, but I am chalking that up to my having registered at the absolute last minute. Do NOT ask me how I managed to successfully register at all, because despite it being completely legitimate, I can't seem to tell the story without coming across as both a cheater and a liar. I am not a cheater (unless a game controller is involved) and I am not a liar (although that statement could be a lie, WHOA FIGURE THAT ONE OUT).

Unusual deaths

This list of unusual deaths through history inspires me to never go outside, appear on television, encounter snow, or become a professional ANYTHING.