VIDEOCRAB

Giant Enemy Crab

2006-07-28T11:23:00.000-07:00

I knew it was only a matter of time before somebody mashed up a whole bunch of video game crabs, set it to a gabber remix of Sony's weaksauce E3 press conference statements, and got linked by me.

Super Linky Ball

2006-07-27T11:52:00.000-07:00

I actually think I'd be more interested in Zelda if it looked like this. (I also know that I am crazy.)

DIE, HEATHENS!!

2006-07-24T11:20:00.000-07:00

Slaughter UN troops... for Jesus! (And profit)

"Ooh! Cake!"

2006-07-23T10:50:00.000-07:00

I don't think I could eat these. Or these. (Not without crying, anyway.)

"With Sound"

2006-07-19T11:06:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I look around at my favorite blogs and worry that I am not quite geeky enough to be part of the club. But then I see something like this and I feel a stirring in my heart, an overwhelming yearning in my soul, a desire to max out my credit card, and I realize... if I may contain insufficient geek, I am certainly stuffed with abundant dork.

Seat Invaders

2006-07-17T15:16:00.000-07:00

I wonder: Is there a Space Invaders machine at the Smithsonian?

Still Less Dorky Than The N-Gage

2006-07-13T11:51:00.000-07:00

Can you hear me now? No? What? Wait-- UP UP DOWN DOWN...

HEEEEEEY!!!

2006-07-11T23:30:00.000-07:00

Since Pole Position is the very first video game I can remember playing (and one of my first memories, period)... you'd wonder, after viewing this commercial, why I am not so much more TOTALLY BADASS.

Lore Amore

2006-07-06T15:03:00.000-07:00

Opinion: the Internet is better off for having Lore Sjoberg on it. Wired.com in particular is exponentially improved. (new game controllers - grumpy gamers - the murse problem)

LOSER LOL

2006-07-05T15:05:00.000-07:00

My immediate reactions to this advertisement:

1. What the crap kind of cabinet is that for a Neo-Geo?
2. If that's Metal Slug X then I'm better than him
3. Wait... doesn't Axe realize that it's placed a significant number of in-game ads for its body spray products in popular video game titles?
4. When will this stereotype die? (Perhaps the game industry itself needs to grow up a bit first.)

Rated E For Everyone

2006-07-04T10:25:00.000-07:00

The only problem with trying to parody games like Grand Theft Auto and Postal is that they already exist as parodies of themselves. But anything that brings attention to how stupid* they are is all right by me.

*Note: Grand Theft Auto III (and especially the expansion packs-- er, sequels) are brilliantly-concieved moneymaking entertainment products. I simply do not think they are very good games, and I consider them to be emblematic of how irresponsible and lazy the game industry has become. And I'm certainly not saying games shouldn't be stupid; some of my favorite games are.

Surprisingly Accurate Trees

2006-07-03T13:09:00.000-07:00

YES. I wish I had a color printer and an extra eight hours. (And... a little more manual dexterity.)

Hazing

2006-07-02T10:35:00.000-07:00

I can't figure out if this makes me want to work for Pixar more or less than I already did.

Scuba Flippers

2006-06-30T12:32:00.000-07:00

In general, I am morally opposed to linking anything that looks like the sort of ha-ha-chuckle e-mail forward you might get from your mom. But this list made me laugh out loud several times, so I suggest you read it, ha ha and chuckle and then forward it to your mom.

Hybrid Pimpmobile

2006-06-29T12:10:00.000-07:00

Wow. I didn't have to wait nearly as long as I expected to for new Futurama content! (Hey, I'll take it in any form I can get it.)

The Undo Dog

2006-06-28T13:10:00.000-07:00

This makes me dream longingly of a WiFi Mario Paint DS. I hope Nintendo's just finding a way to make sure all the submitted content is "appropriate"... or perhaps link it up with a Mario Paint Wii... because those are the only acceptable excuses for the continuing lack of a Mario Paint DS. It's so obvious. It should be built in to the firmware, as far as I'm concerned.

Remember how the instruction booklet for Mario Paint included instructions for hooking your SNES up to a VCR, so you could "save" as many of your creations as you wanted? I wonder whatever happened to my tapes...

Youtube Kerblosion!!

2006-06-27T09:21:00.000-07:00

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha - Memories - So much better than 'Candid Camera' - Story about good, story about bad - What - How dare you - Vending machine - Rube Goldberg meditative exercise - Answer: everywhere - Like animation? Got an extra... couple hours?

Pumping Something Up

2006-06-26T01:04:00.000-07:00

Despite it being a complete ripoff of DDR, "Pump It Up" can still be host to some fancy footwork. (And armwork and kneework and headwork.)

But No Wives... Huh

2006-06-25T18:51:00.000-07:00

In honor of Sonic the Hedgehog's 15th birthday, here is my concept art (compare it to some actual concept art) for the title screen of Sonic the Hedgehog III, which I planned to submit to Sega. I was sure that my winning concept of "Sonic and Tails both have kids now" and inclusion of the roman numeral III would earn me a job working alongside Yuji Naka. I wonder how many other ten-year-old kids sent design documents to Sega. Probably a lot. In the same box I found the Sonic drawing was also a much older design of mine for Super Mario Bros. 3, drawn before I knew anything about the actual game; I'd actually invented Chain Chomps, though I figured they'd come out of question mark blocks. From the looks of it, I also decided that Mario should be able to carry and throw Koopa shells, and that it would be nothing like Super Mario Bros. 2... I'd scan it, but it's at the bottom of the box now.

Space Invaders

2006-06-23T10:11:00.000-07:00

I think I woke up a little unbalanced or something, possibly, because this (YouTube again) actually made me cry a little! Just... just a little. *sniff*

Beating A Dead Hooker

2006-06-22T13:03:00.000-07:00

When the House of Representatives gets together to chat about video games... America wins! (Daily Show clip, YouTube)

Bonus clip: Lewis Black discusses the finer points of Grand Theft Auto, State of Emergency, and... er... Britney's Dance Beat.

Human Ear Edition

2006-06-21T14:18:00.000-07:00

I never wish to fan the flames of the computer platform wars (for the record, I have both a Mac and a PC)... but I agree with this article. The real reason I'm linking it, though, is that it led me to this video, which is "amusing" upgraded to "hilarious" by the fact that it actually originates from Microsoft.

7 Feet 5 Years

2006-06-19T01:11:00.000-07:00

I don't know which of these things is most remarkable:

1. This video
2. His younger brother
2. The fact that I am actually not that surprised, really
3. How much time I spent wondering how the proud parent was able to capture the moment on video while also simultaneously capturing the video feed from the game console, seriously, how did he do that

"Beats Stacking Shelves"

2006-06-18T00:05:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I need a new job. Sometimes, people suggest that I should become a video game tester.

Actual Title

2006-06-17T00:14:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, words just fail me.

Oh wait, some backup words arrived in a reactionmobile: even in Japan, you can get away with some interesting stuff if you're making budget-priced software.