Anyway, the purpose of this page is to have pictures on it. The purpose of those pictures is to be looked at. BY YOU. So START LOOKIN'.

It's at this point that I feel as though I should point out the fact that I did not take these pictures. These pictures were taken by somebody with the (frankly somewhat awesome) name of Sierra Rein, who was in line with us. Why were we in line? Why don't I start stories at the beginning? For crying out loud, why ANYTHING? Don't interrupt! ANYway-- GEEZ-- We were in line for the grand opening of Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash (heretofore referred to simply as The Stash) in Los Angeles. The Stash is a comic book and memorablilia store. Why were we lining up to get into a comic book store? Look, you're going to have to stop asking questions. Did it ever occur to you that the answers to your questions will come naturally through the telling of the story? Man, I bet you're one of those people that questions like "Who's that?" and "Where's he going?" during movies. Sheesh. That's the last time* I ever use THAT narrative device. (*note: it probably isn't.) For the rest of the story to make sense, you should probably know (if you didn't already) that Kevin Smith is a writer, director, funny-face maker (I'm not sure playing the Silent Bob character qualifies him as an 'actor'), eloquent speaker, and all-around cool guy who makes movies that I like a lot. He makes movies that are called "uneven" and "crude" by snooty critics, old people and that segment of the population that spends most of their time on the Internet trying to prove that they have better taste than you. He made movies about what happens when two clerks talk to each other (Clerks), what happens when a major studio then hires you to make a screwball comedy (Mallrats), what happens when Ben Affleck finds out his lesbian girlfriend's had a lot of sex (Chasing Amy), what happens when two fallen angels attempt to exploit a universe-threatening loophole in Catholic dogma in order to get back into heaven and also swear a lot (Dogma), and what happens when you have a kid and make a PG-13 romantic comedy with a wholly uninteresting ad campaign (Jersey Girl). Kevin Smith has also worked on an animated Clerks show that ran for a whopping two episodes (six were produced) on ABC; he shows up for a Tonight Show segment called Roadside Attractions; and he's written a few comics that I hear are always way behind deadline, which I can relate to.

The bearded dude on the right wearing the green jersey-- for the purposes of an "inside" joke, I am now wondering if it was perhaps a NEW jersey?-- is Kevin Smith. This is his store. (We'll get to that in a moment.) The bearded dude on the left is also Kevin. This (these words, right here) is his... writing. Er, so it's me at the table there, and I'm tempted to make the following untrue claim for the purposes of a "dumb" joke: I don't usually have a beard. The luscious, full beard you see on me in this picture (I'd say) was grown while I was waiting in line to get inside the store. The event was scheduled to start at 5 PM. We arrived in LA at around 4 PM. We left LA around 4 AM. Those of you who are calculators, clocks, or calculators with clocks on them have already figured out that this means we were in line for exactly... a really, really long time. That's a long time to be standing in downtown Los Angeles; in fact, if you look carefully, you can see the layer of smog that has settled on and coated my hair. If you keep looking, you can see other fascinating things, for instance: actor Jason Mewes in LEFT-HANDED! And he has Droopy Dog tattooed on his LEFT SHOULDER! And, Kevin Smith has a PIMPED-OUT IPOD! In this picture, I'm having my Clerks poster signed by Kevin Smith ("Kevin, what a stupid name..." is what he wrote above his signature) and my mouth is hanging open because I'm telling him the story about how I dubbed Clerks onto an 8-millimeter tape so that I could watch it on a camcorder during the less interesting classes of my senior year of high school. The amazing thing is that Kevin Smith was actually listening, and responding. Even at that late hour, after talking to thousands of other dorks with stories that were perhaps even more boring than mine, he was a genuinely cool guy. He was so cool that I almost feel bad for not going to see Jersey Girl. But based on the number of people I saw not purchasing the new Jersey Girl DVD, I probably wasn't the only one. ("It was cute, I guess," raved some girl in the line.) But Jersey Girl had stiff competition for our hard-earned cult film fan dollar that night, having been released alongside the Clerks 10th Anniversary Edition DVD in a store full of fun things like Buddy Christ dashboard statues and Jay & Silent Bob bookends. Sorry, Ben Affleck, but you lose by default. Oh, and right there in my jacket pocket, you can see the little red eyeball of my red Game Boy Camera (I also have a yellow one), which I carry with me everywhere so that I can take pictures that look like this:

Unsurprisingly, neither Mr. Smith nor Mr. Mewes had ever experienced the vibrant glory of the Game Boy Camera, which leads me to believe that I am the first person ever to have... uh... taken their pictures with a Game Boy Camera. A KEVSPACE EXCLUSIVE, folks!

This is an odd picture, because everyone seems to be looking at something else, a something that was not the camera. I'm not sure what it was; I think it might have been some security dude saying something funny. Probably something like, "what is that dork in the middle flashing the peace sign for?" Note that I am not a hippie, Japanese, or Super Mario collecting a Star, so there is no excuse for the behavior of my fingers. There is an excuse for the behavior of Kevin Smith's fingers; I'm not sure what the real excuse is, but I'm going to go with "it makes it really easy to Photoshop a Game Boy or something in there." Then I could add a humorous speech balloon, saying something like, "I AM SILENT BOB AND I LIEK TETRIS LOL!" On my right-- which is your left, sorry for the confusion-- is my friend Brian, and on the other side is Matt, who I think resembles Jason Mewes a lot in this picture, to the point where I'm not completely convinced that Jason Mewes didn't just stuff his hair into a hat, put on glasses, and sneak into the back row so fast that he is in the picture twice. Also note the bags under all of our respective eyes, because it was some crazy hour that is best spent as the sixth hour of a night's sleep.

Assuming I constructed this page correctly, which I probably didn't, to your left you will see an example of just how exhausted everyone was at that point. Crashing from his who-knows-how-manyeth Red Bull, Jason Mewes 1) signed Matt's Clerks DVD, 2) looked up at something else, 3) glanced down and saw Matt's DVD, and 4) signed it, almost identically, right next to the spot where he signed it the first time. Hee! And now, to take up space, here is this:

So, enough about Kevin Smith. Let's talk some more about webpages and how great they are. I mean, the Internet! Wow! I can just type and type and type forever, and I will never run out of spac